You were gone then.
A shadow on my eyelids
A paper ghost that hovered at my bedside
Shouting bitter nothings in my face until the morning light
Came streaming through that summer window
To kiss my cheek goodnight.
Two weeks gone then.
A cadavre, a monster, a spook,
Forcing me to watch the sunrise at night
As if to say “Look.”
“Look at this mess you’ve made of it all.”
“And what a fool you were not to see.”
“Two weeks gone and I’ll remain”
Then two months, then a third.
I wonder when the decade’s gone
If you’ll be there at the new year
With sparklers in hand
Spelling “look” in the mothball air.
Fool me once, twice even,
But the third I’ll throw myself to the blade;
Willingly, heart and chest open.
Look at me now, you villain, you creep.
Look how my blood runs freely,
How red it is, how sweet.
Look at me now, my black eyes
My swollen feet and my dulled throat.
Look how I defeated you, dragon
By choosing my own iron tower.
Look how I owned and rued the day
And see how I sleep alone at night.