Peaceful Riot Over Peaceful Riot Gone Bad Has Gone Bad

In a shocking turn of events, Sunday’s peaceful protest over last week’s peaceful protest about a violent shooting has ended with police officers rounding up large numbers of protesters, spraying tear gas and using water canons.


Haylee Collins, 24, who attended the protest, reported that “the protesters were walking hand in hand, holding up banners asking for peace and respect” when tens of police cars surrounded the area. Witnesses claim that a spokesperson said the protest was illegal as a request had not been filed and they were blocking off the road, thus inhibiting cars from passing. However, after several tweets went viral that pointed out that the request had been filed and that the claimed “busy road” was covered in potholes and thus unused, a large number of YouTube videos depicting the mystery spokesperson were removed. In a press conference on Monday, the chief of police denied the existence of this John Doe, and stated that these videos had been created using video editing software.

The protest was in response to a similar protest last week, that ended violently when police officers arrived at the scene and fired rubber bullets at the unarmed protesters. Banners were seen asking for “No More Silence” and “Freedom to Speak, Not Freedom to Shoot”. Critics of the movement say that the police are just doing their job, and that citizens should not get in the way of an authoritarian police-state like system being put in place if the Police Department believe that this is the only way of keeping peace. “Heck, I gave my first born to a police cadet who claimed that it was the only way of stopping a terrorist threat. I haven’t seen him in three years now. But hey, we haven’t had any terrorist attacks in a 10km radius since, so I call that a result!” says Fred Durman.

If anybody has any information concerning the whereabouts of Joey Durman, pictured above, please contact the police immediately.
The violent response has been greeted with some disdain, as people claim that by continually attacking these freedom of speech protests, they continue the vicious cycle of violence. In response to this Chief of Police Craigson has stated that this is an absurd assumption. Violence doesn’t go in a vicious cycle, it’s more a savage oblong.

This is a work of satire.

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