In light of recent events in which a group of black teens were attacked by a policeman at gunpoint, and not so recently gay marriage was legalised in Ireland, I have decided that it is time to speak up on a controversial issue: minorities.
Is anybody else concerned about this? Minorities seem to be all we ever talk about these days. Social justice warriors have sprung up everywhere to fight for the rights of marginalised groups.
But does it not occur to any of us that this is a new phenomenon? Look back in time. When women got the vote, it wasn’t through petitioning or protests or drastic actions that we see nowadays such as starvation. It was through asking politely. When the slaves got emancipated, it happened naturally because somebody realised that they were human too and so a slight tweak was made to the constitution and everybody went home happy. It’s not as if we’ve had to go to war over issues like this before.
So why is it that now people are interpreting their right to free speech as a reason for them to speak freely, when in the past things just got fixed without any such drastic action?
I have one simple answer for you: the illuminati. The illuminati are, for those of your who are not aware, a group of devil worshipping homogays who control the whole milky way and have notable numbers of shares in extra-terrestrial organisations. If the Beelzebub could pick a right hand man and was told that he couldn’t choose a communist, these folks would be top of the list.
Now some of you may be saying: “Jeanie, that’s all just a load of gobaldigoop. Old wives tales to get us to fear the wealthy few who support us through trickle down economics.” Don’t worry, I hear you loud and clear. But hear me out.
These social justice warriors, they sprang out of nowhere right? You know what else has been springing out of nowhere? These offers online to help you make 1500$ a week by working at home. You know the type. Now I myself have not looked into these in detail for fear of excommunication, having my heart devoured by the Devil and being enslaved for the rest of eternity in pergatory, by I heard from Sandra who heard it from Jill who’s husband Tim works at the power plant with a man who’s brother is a Lucifarian that these so called “work at home” scams are actually a recruitment technique by a mysterious unnamed organisation who trains up these extremist SJWs to spread their propaganda all over the internet.
But Jeanie, what’s wrong with a little spark in the community to improve rights? Well here’s what. The minority are just that: a minority. While we’re distracted by the ever expanding number of terms by which we need to refer to queers as so as to be politically correct (can’t we just use normal and not-normal like the good old days?) we lose sight of what’s going on in the world to the majority.
That’s right: the illuminati has taken over our world and is ready to eat your children in their celebratory feast at the downfall of civilisation. Without you even noticing, everyone around you has become a mindless zombie, devoted to being politically correct at all costs and so devout in their mission that all it takes is for the Illuminati to give the command and everyone on Earth will duke it out until only the untouchable rich remain. They’ll feed off of our confusion at th ever changing nature of the world until we become so afraid of speaking our mind for fear that we may let slip a few words that, God forbid, somebody finds offensive that we’ll all seclude ourselves and lock ourselves away forever out of shame. And the social justice warriors that persist will be so devout that they’ll become actual warriors and will rule over our once proud civilisation with an iron fist.
So protect yourself and your family. Be politically incorrect and own it. And the next time somebody tell you you can’t call that young man with trousers so baggy they fall around his ankles a “nigga-ass homogay terrorist”, you walk away with your head held high and complain about it later on an irrelevant blog post.
Jeanie Smith is a proud mother of 2.5 kids, who lives in Suburbia, Developed Country. She knows little about the world outside of her two story home, and thinks that asking close friends for their opinion constitutes fact checking. Her friends say she is charming and gentle, but tends to get her knickers in a twist easily. She is also completely made up.
This is a work of satire.